It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
