You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
