im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
