I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
two words: eviction party
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize