Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
