she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
