You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
