i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
