if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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