he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
