Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
