i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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