I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Four minutes until I can fart!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
