i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
