I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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