Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
