dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
