I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
