sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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