he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i came on her dog
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
