You're my little dorito
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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