I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The best revenge is premature balding
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
