Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
