You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
