So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
