so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
