So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
