my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
