this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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