Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
