Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
