Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
