You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
