Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
