Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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