I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize