Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
