everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize