ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
