The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
