Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
