So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
