Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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