It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
