just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
