dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
