2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
