Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
A+ Viking dick
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
