woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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