I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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