Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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