Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
