Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
