How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize