just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
