I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
