Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
