I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize