My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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