It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
