If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
