how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
