If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
