some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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