she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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