You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
