Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize