small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
