Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Someone signed my nipple.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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