my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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